Chad
mastberc at ssu.southwest.msus.edu
A Minnesota Winter
August 12: Moved to our new home in Minnesota. Beautiful here. The
northern
woods are so majestic. Can hardly wait for snow. I love it here.
October 14: Minnesota is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves
have
turned colors-shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the
country and saw some deer. They are so graceful...certainly they are
the most beautiful animals on earth. I really love it here.
November 11: Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyon wanting
to
kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. What a
beautiful place.
December 12: Snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with
white. It looks like a postcard! We went outside and cleared the
snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snow ball
fight (I won), and when the snow plow came by we got to shovel the
driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Minnesota.
December 14: More snow last night. I love it. The snow plow did his
trick
to the driveway again. It's so great here.
December 19: More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to
get
to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Fucking snow plow.
December 22: More of that white shit fell last night. I have blisters on
my
hands from shoveling. I think the snow plow hides around curves and
waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.
December 25: Merry Fucking Christmas! More fucking snow. If I ever get
my
hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snow plow, I swear I'll
kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads
to melt the fucking ice.
December 27: More white shit fell last night. Been inside for three
days--
except for shoveling the driveway after that snow plow goes through.
Can't go anywhere--the car's stuck in a mountain of white shit. The
weatherman says to expect 19" of the shit again tonight. Do you know
how many shovels of snow 19" is?
December 28: The fucking weatherman was wrong. We got 34" of that white
shit
this time. At this rate, it won't melt before next summer. The snow
plow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and asked
to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already
shoveling all the shit he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last
shovel over his fucking head.
January 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get
food
and on the way back a damned deer ran in front of my car and I hit it.
Did $3000 damage to the car. Those fucking beasts should be killed.
Wish the hunters would have killed them all last November.
May 3: Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is
rusting out from all that fucking salt they put all over the road?
May 10: Moved to Georgia. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind
would ever live in that god-forsaken state of Minnesota!!!
Be sure to send this on, not because if you don't you won't receive good
luck,
just because it's hilarious.